Dear Grand Rapids,
These are some of the reasons why you suck. Not that I need to tell you, because you probably already know.
1. City income tax. Not only do the suckers in the state of Michigan have to pay an income tax, but you have to soak them for an additional 1.3% And come on, what do they really get out of this money? NOTHING! See below reason why you suck for further explanation.
2. Parking. You ain't got none. And the few spaces you have go at a premium. $0.25 per 10 minutes? That must be because you have so many wonderful places to go that are worth the cost. The only other cities who charge more are New York and LA. Gee, and you wonder why downtown GR is like a ghost-town with tumbleweeds blowing through the streets.
3. Garbage pickup. $1.25 per garbage bag? Again... Just what the hell does your tax money go for?
4. Public schools. No tax money going here! Look at your state standardized test results, particularly on the 12th grade. Here is the percentage of students meeting or exceeding state standards... Reading-50%, Science-33%, Writing-34%, Math 29%. Again... just where the hell do the tax dollars go to?
5. State of Michigan unemployment rate- 6.9% Second highest in the nation, only under Mississippi. Mississippi... Dear Lord, beating Mississippi does not give you bragging rights. Alaska beat you for goodness sake.
6. By the way, your economy stinks! Take some more money from education while you're at it... I'm sure the less educated your citizens are, the better your economy will get. You'll be out of the red in no time! But who cares if colleges increase their tuition... your residents won't be accepted anyway. No graduates, no problem!
7. Weather. What's the temp right now, buddy? About 20F you say? Yeah, it's about 79F for me right now. We'll get a high of 81 tomorrow. What's that? You'll only get up to 17 tomorrow with about 3 inches of snow. Good luck with that.
8. What time do your bars close? 1:45? How boring. That would be about 4:00a.m. here, unless you're talking about the Hard Rock which would be never... and is only a 10 minute drive.
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2 comments:
Thank you! I've been looking for someone who actually agrees with me. Let me add a few items of my own.
Dear Grand Rapids,
1. Your public transportation is a joke. You brag about The Rapid? You shouldn't. 93% of the population of Grand Rapids proper (that's just WITHIN the city limits, forget the metro area) has to wait at least 30 minutes for a bus within a mile of their location. 70% of the populace has no bus service on Sundays. 40% has no service on Saturday night. NO ONE has service after 11 PM EVER.
2. Your police force neither serves the people nor protects the peace. Every time I witnessed a crime to report, there wasn't a single police officer around. There were plenty of police officers around to ticket me for loitering when I was simply waiting for the light to cross a road. Should I also mention the two incidents when I (a pedestrian) was hit by a police cruiser as the officer ran a red light?
3. Your weather is awful. I like snow, but yours melts every other day and turns to ice, which is never removed from the sidewalks until spring. Have you ever tried to walk uphill on ice-covered sidewalks?
4. Your denizens are bigoted, irrational, and overly-religious. There IS such a thing as separation of church and State. Unfortunately, it appears you haven't discovered this part of the US Constitution yet.
5. You have no mathematicians in public service offices. If you did, you'd realize that your financial setup is unsustainable. I've tried to meet with the mayor and city manager, but I was told that I didn't know what I was talking about (without ever hearing my ideas). What do I know? I'm just a mathematician, not a politician.
I have plenty more to say, but I should stop.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha this is funny ha ha ha not only that people will lie on you because they are jealous and they don't want no body to outdo them don't live there the people suck
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